T-4 Days

It has been a wild 24 hours for the Vercollone family!! 

 

What was supposed to be a very memorable last home game of the season for Luke, highlighted by the kids and I staying to watch the whole game {we usually leave at half time} and even going out with the team afterward, was cut short when Augustine caught a bleacher with his head 20 minutes into the game and ended up in the ER getting staples in his head.  He did spectacular at the hospital, not crying even once as they washed his laceration and put in the staples.  If anything, he was high on life, due to one of my girlfriends handing him a bag of Skittles as I buckled him in his carseat to head to the hospital {she knows the way to his heart!}.  He talked the whole way to the ER and even sang his ABC's as we waited for the doctor, qualming all my fears of sustained brain damage due to the fall. :) 

Waiting for a room at the ER, wearing his "hat."

 

Meanwhile, back at the pitch, Luke's team lost 3-2 in the last minute of stoppage time.  It was a huge disappointment for us because, since they lost, that was Luke's last game of the season--and possibly his last pro game ever.  I wanted to make it special for him, and I knew it would mean the world to him to have all three of us there for the whole game and for the kids to be able to go out on the field with him afterward.  Of course, when I planned this in my head, they would be greeting him on the field to celebrate a victory...not a dramatic, season ending loss.  And, of course, we weren't there at all, so that plan was entirely unsuccessful.  We will have to see what God has planned regarding Luke's soccer playing career--hopefully he will get some training in with the Colorado Rapids when we move.

One of the only pictures I got at the game.  Just before Luke took the field, Augustine ran in for a good luck hug!

 

By the time we were finished at the ER, Luke was on his way home from the game.  After our first order of business--Luke getting some special time with our wounded solider and tucking the kiddos into bed--we walked downstairs, and the first words out of Luke's mouth were,

"So, do you want to leave Thursday?" 

 

Leave, as in move across the country.

Thursday, as in four days from today.  

 

I said, "Ok." 

 

We spent the next half hour returning phone calls to our respective family members, reassuring them that Aguustine was doing just fine and hesitantly sharing the news about our earlier-than-planned departure from Virginia.  

 

I knew our last days in our first home would be tough ones emotionally, and I didn't expect them to be here this soon.  On the bright side, I won't have too much time to dwell on the sad stuff because I have a house to finish packing and cleaning--in FOUR days!! 

 

Sitting in Mass this morning, it crossed my mind that next Sunday we will be attending church with two of my sisters and their families and my Dad.  It seems surreal that our life will change so much in this next week.

 

I am excited and scared {for the drive} and sad...but mostly excited.

 

Fyi, if you ever have to move from the home you brought your babies home to, do not pack up your first born's bedroom while listening to counrty music--unless you like to cry like a baby.    

Just Need to Write

Today I feel like I need to spend some time putting the mess going on in my head into words.  Too often my unspoken thoughts, left to their own devices, are warped into a destructive way of thinking.  Stuck inside my head without anyone to challenge them, they convince me that I am a horrible mom and wife, and even more pathetically, that the crosses in my life warrant a pity party.  There is some truth to the former--I fall short as a wife and mom, a lot.  But there are also times that I feel I am living out my vocation well, which helps give me some perspective when it feels like I am doing nothing right.  How I can feel so sorry for myself at times, however, is less understandable.  And it is embarrassing.  When the biggest upset in my day is my two year old disobeying or taking his sister's toys, I do not have big problems.  All it takes is a minute of looking outside myself to see how blessed I am--challenges and all. 

Why, oh why am I so dang selfish? 

I try to begin each day by offering it to the Lord--I offer Him my thoughts, words, and actions, my joys and my sorrows, trials and tribulations, successes and failures.  And my prayers.  But often times I want to kick myself half way through the day when I realize that I have not, in fact, truly offered those things to the Lord. 

Because if I had, then I wouldn't feel so alone in my trials and tribulations.  I would know that my God was right there with me helping me in the very moments that I need Him most and offering me all the grace I need for each and every moment of my day. 

That moment between an offending action and my reacting to it is a challenge for me many, many times throughout the day.  For some people {like my husband}, that moment passes easily and right action is made consistently without any conscious thought.  At different points in my life, I have been closer to achieving that ideal, but now is not one of them.  I am not proud about it, but I am not in the habit of reacting well when things don't go my way.  When I am tired or hungry or proud or just plain irritable, I let that moment ride the wave of my spontaneous emotion without taking the extra second or two to reign in my impulses and think about the best way to act before reacting. 

Sometimes I feel like the harder I try to work on this, the harder I fall.  I really think the Devil has it out for us moms {and wives} sometimes.  He has a million opportunities a day to try to distract us from our mission to nurture and protect our children and their sweet souls.  Maybe it's just this time of the year, but a lot of my Mom friends seem to be struggling right now.  Struggling with feelings of inadequacy and defeat and being exhausted by the antics of their oh-so-cute, yet oh-so-stubborn children.  Struggling with the feeling that everything I do--every word I utter, every embrace I offer, every smile I extend, every tickle I give...every temper I lose, every tv show I allow, every tear I {and my child} shed is going to effect my child. 

In a profound way. 

FOREVER. 

I have a feeling we are harder on ourselves than our children are, but feeling responsible for the eternal livelihood of our children is a heavy weight to bear. 

Yet, when I take that minute to think clearly, I realize that as prevalent as those feelings are, the simple answer is always turning toward the Lord.  {It's simple but not easy, and I am much better about talking about doing it than actually doing it}.

Tonight {really tomorrow morning by the time he gets home from the airport}, my husband is returning from a week long trip out of the country.  The only communication we have had is via Skype with a less than perfect connection.  Calls are dropped, faces are fuzzy, voices are muffled.  Let's face it, I am tired.  I am very tired.  I love my kids with all my heart, but I can tell by the way that I am reacting to things--little things--that it is beyond time for my sweet husband to return.  Thank God it's the last day of his trip because I am a weepy mess.  I am yelling one minute, cuddling the next.  Augustine is probably very confused, especially since I cry when I am happy and sad.  Poor kid.  Thank you, friends, for listening to this cathartic, if not incoherant, rambling.         

Tandem Nursing: Part Two

If you missed part one, you can read it here.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I dialed up a well respected midwife in town and spent a good while speaking with her.  I had a few general pregnancy questions, but, mostly, I was interested in her opinion on my nursing situation.  Especially since I am a small person with not much weight to lose, I didn't know if it would be healthy {for any/all three of us} to continue nursing one baby while simultaneously growing another.  I had also heard that nursing while you were pregnant was dangerous because it stimulated uterine contractions and could cause pre-term labor.  I knew my mom had nursed my sister throughout her pregnancy with me, but without her around to talk to, I needed some serious affirmation before I would feel comfortable doing it myself!  

My sweet Augustine just a few weeks before Gemma's arrival.

Much to my delight, the midwife very convincingly reassured me that continuing to nurse was not bad for me, was not bad for Augustine, and--easing my greatest concern--was not bad for my unborn baby.  She explained that the baby would get everything he/she needed first and that Augustine was no longer relying on breast milk for his primary nutrition, as he was getting plenty of nutrition from his food.   

So I did what I had been doing for the past 16 months--cuddled up with, and nursed, Augustine.  

I didn't have an agenda.  And I didn't know what to expect.  When people asked how long I was going to nurse Augustine, my answers were not concrete or consistent because my mind kept changing.  I went back and forth between wanted to let Augustine wean himself and thinking I needed to force him to wean; some days I felt prepared to nurse two babies at once if needed and other days the thought totally overwhelmed me.     

Months passed, and my due date was quickly approaching.  Despite a huge drop in my milk supply at the end of my first trimester {totally normal--the midwife had forewarned me about it}, Augustine was still nursing a couple times a day...and loving it.  It was becoming clear that Augustine was not going to self-wean before Gemma arrived.

It was also becoming clear that I was not going to force him to wean.  It would just break my heart. 

I missed the simplicity of nursing from the early months of Augustine's life--those months when I nursed on demand wherever and whenever he showed the smallest yearning for food or warmth or comfort or sleep.  Now, with the pregnancy, there were so many other variables to consider.  As my due date approached, I no longer offered milk to Augustine or nursed him at regularly times throughout the day {except before his nap}--I only nursed him when he initiated it.  Some days he would only nurse once, which was a victory in my husband's eyes but more of a mourning in mine.  Luke and I talked about this issue a lot, and though he would have been in favor of weaning Augustine if I wanted to, he was supportive of Augustine's needs and my convictions as a Mama.  And even though nursing wasn't very well serving Augustine's physical needs {i.e. nutrition} at this point, neither Luke or I could deny its significance on his emotional needs.  Nursing was a source of security and comfort; it was a way to take a breather and calm down if he was upset or hurt; it was a surefire way to get him to take a nap; it was a great way to rest but not sleep in the middle of a busy morning.  Children can find these comforts in many things--a blankie, binky, bottle, cup, cuddles, etc, but for Augustine it was nursing. 

I will also mention that throughout the pregnancy, Luke and I got questions and comments from our family and friends.  A few of them expressed concern over my weight or health but many of them were just curious.  To this day, I know there are people {probably lots} who think I should have weaned Augustine a long time ago and don't get why I am still nursing him.  I can understand where they are coming from, given our cultural norms, but their opinions don't influence me too much.  Though it can be intimidating to stand out of the crowd, if there is one thing being a parent has taught me it's that there are many different ways to be a good mom.

Can't wait to meet you in a few weeks, baby sister.

Aside from my fear that Augustine may start to wake up in the middle of the night again once my milk came in after the baby was born, I was at peace with my decision to tandem nurse.  It still felt so natural for me to nurse him.

Clearly, Augustine wasn't the only one not ready to give it up. :)

We will continue with Gemma's arrival in Part Three!

      

Tandem Nursing: Part One

For those of you who don't know, I have a six month-old baby girl {Gemma} and a two and a half year-old little boy {Augustine}, both of whom I have nursed since the day they were born.  Tandem nursing is not always easy, from a physical or emotional standpoint, but I can't imagine it any other way.  In sharing my experience I hope to encourage others who choose to take this path, to enlighten those who don't know much about the issue, and to write it all down as a special memory for me to look back on years from now.  :) 

When I started this journey of motherhood, back when my little man was just a pea sized baby in my belly, tandem nursing was not even on my radar.  I knew my Mom had done it with my older sister and me...but that is because we were born less than a year apart {yes, I am an Irish Twin!}.  Somewhere, probably in a box in my Dad's basement, there is an old picture floating around of my Mom nursing both of us at the same time--my sister on one boob and me, laying on top of her, on the other!  I remember looking at that picture as a young girl and thinking it was such a phenomenon--I never imagined that one day I would find myself in my Mom's position! 

Passed out after a little snack.

 Initially, like most breastfeeding mamas, my goal was to breastfeed Augustine until his first birthday.  Everything past that just seemed like icing on the cake--I just didn't know that icing would still be going strong another year and a half later... 

But as the year mark came and went, my expectations shifted.  From the first moments of Augustine's life, breastfeeding was one of my favorite parts about being a mama--I loved nursing Augustine to sleep, I loved being able to calm and comfort him, I loved how convenient it was, I cherished all the special time we spent together nursing, and I knew it was very healthy for him.  Likewise, from day one he loved to nurse--so much so that he continued to get up to eat in the middle of the night until he was 18 months old.  Though we had met our goal of one year, neither of us seemed ready to give it up yet, and I was feeling increasingly called to let Augustine self-wean.  I am such a hippy.   

At the same time, my husband's expectations were not changing--he still expected Augustine to stop nursing at 12 months, enabling my body to resume normal cycles and giving us the hope of getting pregnant again.  Augustine's frequent nursing was delaying the return of my cycle. 

Like Luke, I was hopeful of adding another baby to our family, but I wasn't in a huge rush.  God so incredibly designed the female body to work the way it does, and I knew that there was a reason my body wasn't ready to conceive again...maybe something to do with Augustine still getting up at night.  I was also trying to live fully in the present moment and appreciate that unique time with just Augustine.  Luke didn't intend to be insensitive, I just don't think even daddies can fully grasp the intensity of the relationship between a mama and her baby.  Though I felt pressure to wean Augustine and "get the show on the road," I knew I would regret it if I weaned Augustine just so we could get pregnant again.        

Nursing outside on a bench in Estes Park. 
We have mastered the art of being discrete.

So, we came to a compromise: Augustine would still nurse but just not as often.  He was eating three full meals, as well as snacks at this point, so nursing was more about the emotional connection and comfort than calories.

Within a couple of months I got my first postpartum period.  The return of my cycle may or may not have been influenced by Augustine's nursing frequency.  My period returned at the typical time for women who exclusively nurse, so chances are it would have returned around that time anyway. 

The next month, we conceived our sweet baby girl!! :)

I was relieved to be pregnant without having rushed Augustine to wean, and I let him go back to nursing more or less whenever he wanted. 

But I knew in the next several months I would have to make some decisions...   
how long would I continue to nurse Augustine?
how would the weaning process work?
would I nurse throughout my pregnancy?
and...would I tandem nurse??

Part II coming up... 

20 Questions {about our move}

Since making an announcement about our cross-country move, I have been getting questions left and right!  Rather than answer everyone individually, I thought I would just pose the most common inquiries, and their respective answers, here.  If you don't care how, why, when, or where we are moving, this post probably isn't for you :)  

Q)  When are you moving?
A)  We are moving in mid-September...as in less than three months.  Equally exciting and nauseating--given that I have no idea where to start with packing.

Q)  Where are you moving?
A)  Without getting too specific, we are moving to Colorado.  We will be settling down in the area I grew up in, within a couple minutes of two of my sisters and my Dad!

Q)  Have you bought a house there?
A)  We are under contract for a house and are scheduled to close at the end of July.  Prayers that it all works out according to God's Will for us would be greatly appreciated.

Q)  What are you doing with your house in Virginia?
A)  We will be renting out our house in VA.  Over the next couple weeks we will be showing the house to interested parties and hope to have immediate renters when we move {prayers again, please :)}.

Q)  Is Luke going to play soccer in Colorado?
A)  It would be great if Luke could  play soccer in CO.  He plans on training with the MLS team there this fall.  Depending on their current roster and what they are looking for, Luke may be the perfect addition. :)

Q)  What if Luke doesn't get to play with the team in CO?
A)  If Luke doesn't get picked up in CO, we may return to VA for the spring/summer 2013.  But, there is always the possibility that this will be Luke's last year of playing professional soccer.

Q)  What will Luke do for work in CO?
A)  Luke started a business in VA {Little Kicks}, which he then franchised {under the name Mighty Kicks}.  We have hired a manager to run the business in VA after we move, but Luke will still be involved in that business.  Additionally, Luke will be selling and managing Mighty Kicks franchises and working in a partnership to start Mighty Kicks in our new area. 

Q)  Why are you moving to CO?
A)  We are moving to CO because it has always been our long-term goal to raise our kiddos near their cousins and to live near family.  In VA, we are hundreds of miles away from our families.  We are really looking forward to living near some of our best friends {my sisters/brothers-in-laws}.

Q)  Can I come to visit?
A)  Yes, please!  Our home has plenty of room for guests, and we would love to have friends from across the country come to visit.   

Q)  How are you moving all your stuff across the country?
A)  We don't know.  Since we aren't super attached to any of our current furniture, there's a good chance we will sell at least some--if not most--of it here in VA.  Even still we will need some sort of mobile storage/moving device.  We have considered PODS; Luke hauling a small unit behind his car; and Luke hauling his car behind a moving truck.  Suggestions, advice, tips, please!  {My vote is for a POD}.

And then I guess there's always this option...just kidding. 

Q)  Will you be coming back to VA to visit?
A)  I am sure Luke will be back at least once a year for business and to check in with our renters.  Honestly, I don't know when/if the kiddos and I will come back to visit.


Q)  Are you big skiiers?  {Most people seem to think "Coloradoan" is synonymous with "skiier"}
A)  We are skiiers/snow boarders but not big ones.  Call me crazy, but I was born and raised in CO and didn't go skiing for the first time until I was 16!  {Probably because it is so darn expensive}.  We will be happy if we make it up for one weekend of skiing this year


There you have it, all the details about our move, and in just twelve questions!

    

Our New House!

Here it is, a picture of our new house!! 

It is not technically ours for another month, assuming all goes well with the inspection and closing {...and that it doesn't burn down with the rest of my beautiful state}.  But we are excited to be under contract and to have one big item checked off this summer's "to-do list."

I will save pictures of the inside for a future blog post when I can show "before" and "after" transformations, but here are a few of the backyard:

Love that open space!  And a shed.

Augustine gave it his stamp of approval!  He caught a glipse of this play structure as we began our tour of the house
 and spent the rest of our time there playing out back while I checked out the rest of the house.

A big, flat backyard was seriously at the top of my husband's wist list for our new house,
and this yard does not disappoint!

I am hoping I can covet just a small area of this glorious lawn for a garden--we'll see :).  I really love that Luke and Augustine {and before we know it, Gemma, too} will have plenty of room to run around in, chasing soccer balls and playing catch.  I told Luke my only concern is that the yard may be too big and that I wouldn't always be able to see Augustine from the back porch--he, of course, laughed. 

We are also beyond excited that in the next couple weeks a neighborhood park is being completed just down the street.  In addition to playgrounds, a basketball court, etc, it also has a soccer field.  Luke is in heaven! :)

Please pray for God's Will as we complete this home-buying process and also for the

end to the massive fires burning in Colorado. 

It's Great Having a Sister to Play Dolls with...

but it's so much better in real life!

Tavian, Felicity, Gemma, Augustine
So cute and so fun.