About 24 hours ago, I was sitting--more like lying--curled up in fetal position on the big, comfy glider in my son's nursery...crying.
He would not take his morning nap.
What's the Big Deal, right? Wrong. In the wonderfully unpredicable life that is my child's, the two things I can count on are dirty diapers and morning naps. Still, on another day, I would like to think it wouldn't have been a that big of a deal, but yesterday morning I was feeling particularly hopeless.
Generally, I really am not much of a crier...generally, I cry over happy things far more than I cry over sad, overwhelming, stressful things. But yesterday was different. Maybe it was because my husband has been out of town for a few days, maybe it was because Augustine has been sick, maybe it was because I have not been getting enough sleep...but whatever it was, I was a mess. Augustine's bottom lip quivered with saddness at the sight of his Momma, tears (and mascara--from the day before) streaking down my face as I hosted a full blown pity party for one.
During my little party of sorts, I called my husband and texted him twice...to no avail. Ironically enough, he was a few states to the south preparing for his soccer game by taking a morning nap...
When he woke up and called me back, I explained the situation to him. I will spare you the details and get to my conclusion:
Augustine is never going to take a nap again.
At least not in his crib.
At least not without nursing to sleep.
At least not for more than 24 minutes.
I had a whole thesis prepared in defense of this claim, and delivered it adamently, as my husband patiently listened on the other end of the line.
My husband wasn't convinced, though, and spouted optimism that unfortunatley went just as quickly out one ear as they came in the other.
But then he said something that snapped me back to reality: "I want to give you hope."
Because, if we allow it to be, hope is much more alive and real in our world than despair.
And when I really thought about it, I had every reason to have hope. After all, on most every single morning, my son does take a morning nap. True, it had been a rough week in the sleep department, but what can I expect when Augustine is on three medications, we just got back from a trip, he is reaching new milestones in motor development, and he just started solids?
Why is it, I pondered, that when something good happens (like a nap--naps are good), we are not convinced that they will continue to happen? But when something bad happens once or twice (like the absence of a nap...or two), we are absolutely, positively consumed with the fear that things will go on like that forever?? It's a bit ridiculous really, but I let my mind play those tricks on me from time to time.
My experience reminds me of the Transfiguration of our Lord. You see, at the time of the Transfiguration, Jesus knew that just days later he would be handed over to be scouraged, mocked, and crucified.
And He knew that that would be very hard for His disciples--He knew they would be tempted to lose hope.
So to prepare them for that scary period of doubt, fear, and hopelessness, He appeared to them in all His glory in the Transfiguration. He wanted them to be able to look back on that time of great faith and great hope a few days later when things seemed to be falling apart at the seams. The glory of the Transfiguration was presented to them to sustain them when they felt despair creeping in.
I am constantly reminding myself of this reality. It not only gets me through rough times of despair, but it also encourages me to be ever thankful for the "Transfigurations" in my life--those moments of sheer bliss and awe and faith and love (...and good naps).
And then, of course, our loving Lord goes one step furthur and gives us awesome "Resurrections"...the total reinstatement of hope; the fulfillment of all our desires; the calm of all our fears.
Speaking of "resurrections," Augustine is currently down for his second nap of the day. Did I mention he slept better last night than he ever has (hopefully that had more to do with having a belly full of sweet potatoes than it did with not taking a morning nap...!)?
Oh, ME of little faith!