Thursday, February 18, 2010

Perfect Love

Naturally, the night we found out we were expecting, Luke and I set out to figure out our exact due date! I got online, carefully typed the requested information into the due date calculator, hit the enter button, and presto:
December 25, 2009!
Our baby was due on Christmas!
How exciting! Our pregnancy would be a wonderful journey in joyful anticipation of the birth of both our Savior and our Son!
Being due on Christmas, I felt particularly close to our Blessed Mother throughout my pregnancy. The bond I felt with my unborn son was intense, and I loved imagining this special bond between our Lady and the Lord, too.

I had this little person growing inside of me--I felt his kicks, hiccups, and flips. During his still times I imagined him to be sleeping, and when he was kicking for hours at a time I mentally prepared for an active little boy! As Augustine grew, I could move my hand around on my stomach and feel his tiny feet, bottom, and head. Luke often placed his ear against my belly and listened to the sweet sounds of his son's rapidly beating heart.
Before he was even born, a bond--an intense love--was forming between Luke and I and our precious baby boy.
I wonder if Mary (and Joseph) felt the same way.

Yet even the closeness I felt to Augustine before his birth, could not prepare me for the strength of the attachment I feel with him now. I honestly did not know I had the capacity to love a child the way that I love Augustine. Children have always been a source of great joy in my life--being an nanny and an Aunt have been, and will continue to be, an incredible part of who I am.

But there is nothing--nothing--like being a Mom.
Which brings me back to Mary:

If I, an impure being, have experienced an ever growing bond with my child that started in the womb...what must Her unity with Jesus be like?
If I, a selfish being, can love my son with a love greater than I had imaged existed for a much more does she cherish Her Son?
And if I, a prideful being, cannot stand to see my son suffer the slightest of pains...are there even words to describe the pain Mary endured in seeing her Son crucified?
No, I contend, there are not.

During a conversation a few years back, a friend suggested that there is no greater (human) love than the love between Mary and Jesus. Afterall, Mary is perfect and Jesus is perfect, so only they are capable of Perfect Love. (Jesus, of course, loves us all perfectly, but Mary is the only one who can love Him back that way).

And with Perfect Love comes Perfect (read "great") Suffering.

"and a sword will pierce through your own soul also" Luke 2:35
In my limited capacity to love Augustine, I am devestated to see him in any pain. Just ask Luke how long it took me to recover after he got his 2 month shots! Yet our Lady, who is capable of Perfect Love, had to watch her Son die on a cross. When Augustine is in pain, I remind myself what Mary endured with her own Son and try to accept those crosses with the her humility, trust, and patience. May I also learn from Mary how to love Augustine more perfectly!

1 comment:

  1. You just made me cry, thanks a lot! It's not like I don't do that enough these days anyway!!!! This is beautiful, and I have had very similar thoughts lately. As I rock Tavey back and forth at night sometimes I think he is looking at the picture that hangs behind us..that of Mary holding Jesus. In those moments I always ask her to teach me how to love and how to be the best mother for Tavian. I am eager to learn!!! Cole and I watched the Passion and I told him that it pierced my heart in an entirely new way! Thanks for this beautiful post could be published!!!