But you seem so happy...

A few weeks ago we were out to dinner with a friend, and we were talking about religion--a frequent topic of conversation with this particular individual.

Since he is Protestant and Luke and I are Catholic, there is always a lot to talk about, and we enjoy discussing our faiths and challenging each other in a respectful way.

At one point during a lull in the conversation, my friend looked at me and said, "You are a happy person; you've got Luke and Augustine..." I was smiling and nodding in agreement, as he continued, "so how do you explain your fervor for your faith?"

Say what??

He wasn't being at all facetious. "You know, because a lot of people turn to religion because they are unhappy, and they want it to make them happy. But you are already so happy..."

Hmm.

To be honest, it took me a minute to figure out what to say. I had never been asked that question before.

After a brief pause and some rambling, I told him that my fervor for my faith is the result of being radically convicted by the Truth and that it would impossible for me to turn away from my faith without living a lie.

I also told him that I am not always "happy."

And that despite my passion for my faith I am rarely the kind of Christian that I hope to be {which creates a saddness perhaps less obvious to the outside world, but painfully present internally}.

And that all the good and happines in my life comes from God.

He went on to say, "In my church, there is just such an emphasis on being broken."

Hmm again.

As I tried to wrap my head around the disparity my friend was suggesting between being happy and being broken, a few thoughts crossed my mind...

*We are all broken to the extent that we are a fallen human nature in need of a Savior--Christ,

*yet we need not mope around because we DO have that Savior.

*We must not use being "broken" as an excuse for, or to justify, our sins.

*Am I really so prideful that I come across as totally happy and totally unbroken and totally without need for my Savior?? {I realize that is not at all what my friend was suggesting--he was actually complementing my devotion to my faith, despite not "needing" it, but it made me uncomfortable and I couldn't help but wonder if people frequently assume "happy" people are without need of a Savior...and how my "happiness" could be affecting others}.

So how do we find a balance between being happy and being broken?

How do we live authentic lives and show our weaknesses, while at the same time "being all things to all people" and sharing the Gospel joyfully?

How do we share our brokeness with others without glorifying our sin or causing scandel? Is it just as scandelous to be "happy" all the time?!

How ought one display their brokeness? Their happiness?

I don't have the answers to these questions. But please share your thoughts if you do.


For the time being, I am just going to focus on the fact that genuine happniess--true joy found in relationship with the Lord--surely cannot be proud. So I will just work on being more humble and trust the Holy Spirit to work in me, that how others perceive me--whether "happy" or broken--may glorify Him.

...But just for the record: I am broken...and happy!