A Year in Love

I cannot believe it has been a whole year since my precious baby boy was born! There are no words to express the great joy and true love this little person has brought into my life. Since I was a young girl, I have wanted to be a Mom and had great expectations of what it would be like, but the past year has far exceeded any and all expectations. Of course, there have been hard moments--sleepless nights, typical Mom worrying, stress over illness and sleep schedules--but I knew those things were part of the deal. What I didn't expect was the undeniable, unbreakable, stronger-than-steel bond that I would have with my little guy. After "loving" so many children throughout my life (nieces and nephews, children I nanny for), I was not prepared for the infinitely greater love that God grants to parents for their own children.

From the moment Augustine was born, at 5:03 pm one year ago, everything I knew about being a parent changed.

God granted me a new capacity to love.

He gave me opportunities to be selfless.

And He showed me, in a way not experienced before, the joy that one can feel in suffering for the those you Love.

Growing up, and still to this day, my Dad has often said to me, "I love you more than you will ever know!" I know my Dad loves me a lot, so I never really understood what he meant until I became a parent myself--but he is right, that type of love is just too deep and boundless to express.

Being a Mom may seem like a common and ordinary thing, but I feel ever humbled by, grateful for, and unworthy of such an incredible role. How can I ever cease to marvel over a tiny person who is half my husband, half myself, made in God's image and likeness, and willed into existence by God himself? I contend that I cannot, and I thank God each day for the blessing of my child.

And now, for you, my child:

Dearest Augustine,

I love you with every fiber of my being. You bring so much joy and wonder and love to my life and to our little family. You are so sweet and gentle. You have always been very cuddly, and breastfeeding you is so special to me. I love being able to hold you close and comfort you when you are hungry or tired or upset or hurt. You have a great smile that makes others smile, too. I love your laugh when I bite your elbows, knees, and ribs, I love the high pitched noise you make when we wrestle together, I love your fake cry when you want me to pick you up (you're so smart!), I love the way you gently play with my hair while you nurse, I love when you reach out for me no matter who is holding you, I love when you stand up while you are taking a bath and pee (it's just too cute), I love when your little hand finds mine and holds on, I love how you smile for the camera, I love your itty bitty legs and your perfect button nose, I love how you feed me and Dad (even Cheerios that have already been in your mouth), I love waking up each morning to say good morning to you, and, even if it's every few hours, I love rocking you and nursing you in the quiet and still of the night. I love hearing you say "Mama." I love how you wrap your arms around my neck and hold on tight for a hug and I love your wet kisses. You are precious.

I will try my hardeset to live a life worthy of my calling as your (blessed) Mom. I will remember that the best thing I can do for you is to LOVE you.

Happy First Birthday, my love! I love you more than you will ever know!

Love,

Your Mama