He Only Sleeps when He Drinks...

Lyrics to Tim McGraw's next big single?? nope...
However, if it was a country hit, the next line would be "...and he only drinks when he's with me."


An insomniac's excuse to par-tay?? try again...
Although a glass of red wine is always a great way to relax before bed.


My four month old's relationship with eating...and sleeping?? BINGO!!

I know this may sound like the recipe for parental disaster, but to be honest, I have LOVED every minute of it! For the past four months, a couple of times a day, Augustine snuggles up to me for a hearty meal and falls into a peaceful sleep. As soon as he begins sucking, he closes his beautiful blue eyes, rests his tiny hand on my chest, and spends the next half an hour or so sleeping and drinking. It is absolutely precious and so peaceful.

But when he stops eating, things get a little more complicated because:

1) He only stays asleep some of the time when I try to put him down = he may not be getting enough sleep during the day.

2) Since he usually wakes up if I transfer him into his crib, I end up putting him down on his boppy (which I pad with an incredibly soft blanket to wrap around him and make him feel like he is still in my arms) = he doesn't get used to napping in his cold, stale crib--can I really blame him for waking up in there??

3) and probably most significant...He doesn't get many opportunities to learn how to put himself to sleep = he wants Luke or I to soothe him back to sleep every time he wakes up--day or night!

Before you tell me I am CRAZY, there are a few caveats to explain how we made it so long doing things this way:

1) Augustine goes to sleep like a little angel in his crib, often times awake (yet drowsy), at night. As in we have never had to get him out of his crib before he has slept for a few hours.

2) Ok, so maybe I was exaggerating a little bit with the whole "only sleeps when he drinks" thing...he does occasionally sleep in his crib and loves cat naps in the car.

3) Augustine is so stinkin' happy all the time that I don't really mind if his favorite place to sleep is in my arms while he eats.

ALL that being said, practically speaking, Augustine does need to learn to nap in his crib...so scheduled napping has begun--sigh. (We will keep you posted on the progress, but so far SO good). Even though I will miss him sleeping in my arms more during the day, I'm sure he will still fall asleep during his last feeding of the day for awhile...and of course, there's always the sleepy middle-of-the-night feedings (although those can go away whenever they want...).

I probably broke every rule in the book by letting my Little Man nurse to sleep--and may have not done it the "right" way--but I honestly can't say we did it the "wrong" way either. I have found that there are a lot of "right" ways to do things when it comes to babies, and learning what is "right" for you and your little bundle of joy is just part of the fun!

Mixed Feelings

Augustine and I are at home hanging out--nothing out of the ordinary there. But tonight is different because while we are here at home together, Luke is playing in a home soccer game. No, it's not an official game--in fact, it's very unofficial. They are playing against VCU in the first of several insignificant pre-season games. Yet, I am still sad that Augustine and I are not there to watch. For as long as I have known Luke would be the father of my children, I have been excited to take our children to his soccer games. I have long been looking forward to handing our little ones over the rail of the stands to their Dad down on the field after the game. I know there will be plenty of opportunities for this during the upcoming season...and for the next few years, but I wish we were there now for Luke's first opportunity to have this experience with Augustine.
Not to mention the fact that I LOVE to watch Luke play, and it pains me that I can't be there to support him.
But let's be real--it's 35 degrees out, the game didn't start until Augustine's bedtime, and our son is 9 weeks old. If it were just Luke and me, I would be there in a heart beat, but the truth is Augustine needs to be at home warm in his crib sleeping right now...and so he is.
Although it didn't make sense to go tonight, I am confident that we will find a way to make it to the games to cheer Luke on!
Here's to warm weather and Augustine sleeping through sheer chaos this season!



We Love You Luke!

Update: Photos taken at Luke's first regular season game...we made it!

Perfect Love

Naturally, the night we found out we were expecting, Luke and I set out to figure out our exact due date! I got online, carefully typed the requested information into the due date calculator, hit the enter button, and presto:

December 25, 2009!

Our baby was due on Christmas!

How exciting! Our pregnancy would be a wonderful journey in joyful anticipation of the birth of both our Savior and our Son!

Being due on Christmas, I felt particularly close to our Blessed Mother throughout my pregnancy. The bond I felt with my unborn son was intense, and I loved imagining this special bond between our Lady and the Lord, too.

I had this little person growing inside of me--I felt his kicks, hiccups, and flips. During his still times I imagined him to be sleeping, and when he was kicking for hours at a time I mentally prepared for an active little boy! As Augustine grew, I could move my hand around on my stomach and feel his tiny feet, bottom, and head. Luke often placed his ear against my belly and listened to the sweet sounds of his son's rapidly beating heart.

Before he was even born, a bond--an intense love--was forming between Luke and I and our precious baby boy.

I wonder if Mary (and Joseph) felt the same way.

Yet even the closeness I felt to Augustine before his birth, could not prepare me for the strength of the attachment I feel with him now. I honestly did not know I had the capacity to love a child the way that I love Augustine. Children have always been a source of great joy in my life--being an nanny and an Aunt have been, and will continue to be, an incredible part of who I am.

But there is nothing--nothing--like being a Mom.

Which brings me back to Mary:

If I, an impure being, have experienced an ever growing bond with my child that started in the womb...what must Her unity with Jesus be like?

If I, a selfish being, can love my son with a love greater than I had imaged existed for a child...how much more does she cherish Her Son?

And if I, a prideful being, cannot stand to see my son suffer the slightest of pains...are there even words to describe the pain Mary endured in seeing her Son crucified?

No, I contend, there are not.

During a conversation a few years back, a friend suggested that there is no greater (human) love than the love between Mary and Jesus. Afterall, Mary is perfect and Jesus is perfect, so only they are capable of Perfect Love. (Jesus, of course, loves us all perfectly, but Mary is the only one who can love Him back that way).

And with Perfect Love comes Perfect (read "great") Suffering.

"and a sword will pierce through your own soul also" Luke 2:35

In my limited capacity to love Augustine, I am devestated to see him in any pain. Just ask Luke how long it took me to recover after he got his 2 month shots! Yet our Lady, who is capable of Perfect Love, had to watch her Son die on a cross. When Augustine is in pain, I remind myself what Mary endured with her own Son and try to accept those crosses with the her humility, trust, and patience. May I also learn from Mary how to love Augustine more perfectly!

Tastefully Simple

Eating during pregnancy is a complicated thing.

There are the foods you love but can't have anymore (think sushi, wine, deli meat, coffee)...and there are the foods that you don't typically eat but should eat more of (think sardines, turnips, wheat germ).

There are the foods that used to make you sick but suddenly taste incredible (unfortunately, Taco Bell in my case)...and there are the foods that have always been favorites but abruptly lose their appeal (believe it or not, such was the fate for me and ice cream--though we made up as soon as Augustine was born!).

Then of course, there are the "risky" foods, which, depending on one's stomach, may include everything from spicy foods to dairy...and may result in a number of adverse reactions, including, but not limited to, nausea, heart burn, and indigestion!

For me personally, heartburn and indigestion kept their distance, but I was one big walking, talking bout of nausea for the first half of pregnancy (first trimester morning sickness my hiney!). I experienced everchanging cravings and aversions, and catered to them when possible to avoid the "I think I'm going to throw up right now" feeling. For four months our fridge was full of leftovers because the Chinese food, burrito, sandwich, fill in the blank that I just HAD to have only tasted good for a few bites (luckily I am married to a human garbage disposal).

Going to the grocery store was a nightmare--the smells in aisle five made me ill, the sight of raw meat made me gag, and totally random (as in I have never purchased these before in my life) items ended up in my cart! Waffle cones, ginger snaps (...still in our pantry), CareBear fruit snacks, honey mustard pretzel nuggets...the list goes on. Between the nausea evoked by cooking and my grocery shopping skills tanking, poor Luke did not eat well during my first half of my pregnancy.

So with all this going on, I found myself resorting to what I could trust: the tasty, simple foods of my childhood:
*cottage cheese mixed with yogurt (any flavor works, but strawberry is my personal fav)
*graham crackers (especially dunked in milk or topped with peanut butter and sliced bananas)
*cereal--for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner!
*plain old pb & j
*grilled cheese and tomato soup
*apple sauce
*pancakes with peanut butter and syrup (Luke & I ate pancakes about twice a week during pregnancy)
*hard boiled eggs

YUM! I think I'll go get a snack...

Please add to the list...my nausea is gone, but I am still looking for more tasty, simple snacks and meals!

Welcome Augustine Patrick Vercollone!

As I sit here writing this, my perfect little baby boy is lying peacefully on my chest sleeping. Although there really are no words to describe the past few days of my life with any justice, I will do my best to share the amazing jouney we have begun. All I can do is be eternally thankful for the many blessings God has given me.

MMommy & Augustine Patrick--9 days old

Augustine's birth story is (long and) fun! At a prenatal appointment early in December, our doctor informed us that if Augustine had not been born by December 30th I would be induced on that day. While it was exciting to have a definite end date (and it guaranteed that my sisters would be able to see the baby during their visits), Luke and I were a little hesitant and disappointed at the idea of an induction. For the past nine months we had been planning to have a natural birth--so starting it off with a heavy dose of Pitocin wasn't exactly appealing. Moreover, we knew induced labors didn't usually allow for a graudal building of the contractions and that my chances of having a C-Section or asking for an epidural would be higher. And of course, we wondered if inducing was really the best thing to do for the baby.

SO...starting on his due date (December 23rd), we initiated Operation Self-Induction! I made a laborious egg plant parmesan dish guaranteed to put women into labor, drank more herbal raspberry tea than anyone should ever drink in a week, took lenghty walks everyday, ate almost an entire pineapple in less than 24 hours...and participated in some of the more enjoyable inducing methods!

Luke & I (and Augustine!) on Christmas Eve...one day past Augustine's due date!
December 29th arrived, however, and we still didn't have any signs of labor. Somehow we continued to have a glimmer of hope that it would happen on its own--though with each passing minute, we became more accepting of the alternative plan. That afternoon I picked my sister, Ellen, and her daughter, Ariana, up at the airport. That evening Luke's siblings, Anthony, Tessa, and Mary (along with two friends) stopped in for dinner on their long drive to Florida. Though they knew I was slated for an induction at 5:30 the next morning, I don't think any of them suspected I would be going into labor on my own within hours of them leaving our house!

As I was getting ready for bed--something that I put off, much to the chargin of Ellen who insisted I needed to rest for labor the next day--I noticed a considerable amount of mucous when I went to the bathroom. Luke and I were so excited--hopeful, yet aware 5:30 am was only getting closer! It was about midnight when we went to bed, and at 1:15 am, I woke up to the best feeling--contractions! They hurt so good!! I timed a few, and they were six minutes apart. The next few were spaced a bit further apart, but they kept coming! By this point, I had slowly waken Luke up (by pulling on his wrist to time my contractions with his watch), and we thought maybe it was the real thing! For the first few hours, we were definitely experiencing the first emotional signpost: excitement. Although the contractions weren't too painful at this point, they were too distracting to sleep through...plus, we were too excited to fall back to sleep. We considered watching a movie, but we ended up just lying in bed while Luke played with my hair and read to me out of our Bradley book. Several times I went to the bathroom, and the mucous discharge continued. We rejoiced over going into labor spontaneously and not needing to be induced!

At 4 am, the contractions transitioned, coming on stronger--consistently a minute long and no more than five mintues apart. Luke noticed that my pain was increasing and asked if I wanted Ellen to come in at 4:30 am. For the next few hours she helped Luke rub my back, keep me relaxed, and time my contractions. For the most part we labored in bed--mainly because it was the middle of the night...but also because the few times I tried to walk around the house, it was really uncomfortable for me to stand/walk through my contractions. At about 5 am, Luke victoriously called the hospital to let them know that I had gone into labor on my own and that I wouldn't be there at 5:30 am for my induction.

By 6:30 am I was ready to go to the hospital! It had always been our plan to do a few hours of hard labor at home, and I thought we had done that...in retrospect, we probably should have waited it out a few more hours at home! Luke stalled until 7 am, and then we were off!

It was very cold outside that morning, and Luke offered me a blanket to wrap up in as I left the house...but I just wanted to get into the car and GO! We pulled up to the emergency room entrance and left the car parked right there (Luke meant to go move it right away, but he forgot until a few hours later when a staff member came to our room to remind him). I was wheeled up to labor and delivery and had to wait for what seemed like forever for them to prepare my room and check me in (...even though I had pre-registered weeks earlier!). It's funny to think that I thought I was in A LOT of pain at that point...hahaha.

Once in my room, I got into bed so my nurse, Robin, could put two monitors around my belly--one to measure my contractions and one to monitor Augustine's heart rate. Then she inserted my IV port--Luke and I really did not want this "routine" IV, but apparently it was non-negotiable and I received fluids throughout much of my labor. It was 8 am by the time I was settled, and I was at 4 cm dilated. Luke was hoping I was further along, based on how much pain (I thought) I was in--little did we know what was to come! Luke was an incredible coach through the entire labor, and I really appreciate him talking me through each and every contraction for the first ten hours or so! It was only when I got to the point that I had to direct my whole focus inward that he gave me that space and supported me by mearly being present.

For the next few hours, I sat in the whirl pool, ate a grape popsicle, sat on the birthing ball, and again tried to walk/stand through some contractions. For some reason, standing during a contraction was just too much for me, so I got back into bed. My sister, Ellen, arrived shortly and was there for the next few hours--until she left to pick up Caitlin and Cole from the airport.

Trying a few contractions on the Birthing Ball. As you can see, I am still kinda smiling, which translated into the realm of natural childbirth means I still have a LONG way to go!

When I was checked again I was at 7-8 cm. This was encouraging at the time, but I stayed at 7-8 cm for the next several hours. It was a great blessing to have Fr. Joseph Mary bring the Eucharist to me around 12:30 pm. (Luke was able to attend Mass at the chapel in the hospital at noon, while Ellen sat with me). The doctor came around 1 pm and said that if I didn't progress soon he would start some pitocin and recommend an epidural. This was disheartening news, as neither Luke nor I wanted to take that route. The pain was SO intense though, and I was beginning to hit the "Self Doubt" emotional sign post.

My sweet sister, Ellen, comforting me through labor.
The nurse offered to give me a dose of Nubain into my IV to "take the edge off" the pain. At that point, it seemed like I either take that or end up with an epidural because I was in so much pain. I compromised with conflicting desires and asked for half a dose of the IV solution. From the minute the nurse gave it to me, I was totally focused inward. Each contraction required all the focus I had. I had to deliberately breath through each second of each contraction. I could no longer communicate with others or respond well. I tried to move as little as possible, for fear of causing more pain or losing my focus. Although the contractions continued to get closer and stronger and were still more painful than anything I had ever (or could ever) imagine experiencing, the Nubain helped me stay focused/calm.

The doctor came back and broke my water at 2 pm. He said that if it didn't help me progress, we would start the pitocin. By 2:50 pm, I "needed" to push. My body was bearing down without my consent, and, per the nurse's request, I was doing everything I could to not push. My body was heaving violently though, and I told Luke I was "pushing by accident." At 3:15 pm, the nurse checked me because my urge to push was so strong, but unfortunately I was still at 7 cm. (Little did I know, at that point she began preparing for the pitocin and an epidural). It was very difficult to fight against my body--I desperatley wanted to cooperate and push when I got the urge, but the nurse said that could cause my (not fully dilated) cervix to become inflamed. BUT I was so sure that it was time to push that I had the nurse check me again at 3:45 pm, and--hooray--I was at 9.5 cm! Although she credited me with being "fully dilated," she said I had to wait for the doctor to arrive to start pushing! Did I mention the doctor was across the street seeing patients at his OB clinic?!? Robin informed him over the phone that I was ready to push. The next half hour was very frustrating for me--my body was telling me to push, my cervix was finally ready too...but the nurse told me to wait for the doctor! He did say I could give one big push, just to see if I was really ready--Robin said Augustine's head came right down the birth canal, and that, YES, I was really ready!

As soon as Dr. Paoloni walked through the door, the pushing began (eh, continued...)! Pushing was an interesting phase of the labor for me. Here I had spent the last 12+ hours in pain, merely waiting for my body to get me to this point. I had been breathing diligently and staying as relaxed as I could, but up until this point there is not too much one can actively do. Now it was time to push...and I felt like it was ALL up to me: if I didn't push, Augustine would not come out! This was a stressful thought to me--one that I had pondered for several months leading up to this moment. Despite my relative calmness thus far, I kind of lost it during the pushing. It was hard for me to tell I was making progress, even with Luke, Robin, Dr. Paoloni, and about five nurses that showed up out of nowhere cheering me on. I pushed at least three times with each contraction, and at some point began crying for a few seconds between each contraction. Things like, "just get him out of me" and "you guys just think I'm doing great, but I'm not" came out between sobs...until I realized, thanks to my husband, that I needed to relax and rest and save my energy for the next contraction.

(Side Bar: Per my request, there was a large free-standing mirror stratigically placed at the foot of my bed. Just as a warning to future Moms who take this route...
*For the last ten minutes of pushing, the mirror is a very cool thing! It's incredible to literally see your child enter the world.
*For the first thirty minutes of pushing, the mirror is not a very cool thing because people telling you you're doing great is not as believable when all you can see is a sliver of your son's head...a very small sliver...think "eye of a needle" sliver.
*AND last, but certainly not least, the moment your child is born, that mirror needs to be wheeled as far away from the foot of your bed as possible...it took them about ten seconds in my case, and let me just tell you, that was about eleven seconds too long!).

Our Family! Luke, Augustine, & I just minutes after Augustine was born. Smiling with my sisters!


At 5:03 pm, after about an hour of pushing, Luke and my life changed forever in an unbelievable way--our darling baby boy was born. Luke and I both teared up...overwhelming emotions of joy, thanksgiving, and love. Luke cut Augustine's umbilical cord, and the doctor placed him right on my chest. I couldn't believe how beautiful he was. It was so surreal to finally see him! Immediately, all the pain and exhaustion I had felt completely disappeared. I was all smiles and had a rush of adrenaline that I don't think has quite worn off yet, almost four months later! Within an hour of his birth, Aunt Ellen, Aunt Caitlin, and Uncle Cole came up to meet their new nephew. I just loved having them there to share such an special time in our lives. We spent two nights in the hospital and came home the morning of January 1st. What a great way to start off the year! Augustine's first outing was to Mass that day!

Our Sweet Baby Boy, Augustine Patrick Vercollone! 6 lbs., 13 oz., 19 1/4 in. long.

Augustine is absolutley amazing, perfect, wonderful...as I said in the beginning, there are no words to adequately express it. Luke and I thank God each day for our perfect Little Man. We are so blessed!!!

It's Christmas Eve! Today is significant for the obvious reason--tomorrow is Christmas...and the not so obvious reason--Augustine is "late." According to the Dr., Augustine's due date has been December 23rd since my first appointment at 8 weeks pregnant. However, Luke and my calculations have suggested Christmas Day as a more appropriate due date...we are hopeful for a Christmas baby!

Yesterday, we began operation self-induction: I vacuumed and mopped in the morning, walked around Food Lion shopping for obscure ingredients for a special egg plant parmesan recipe that claims to put women into labor, went on a stroll with Luke, and was on my feet for hours making the "magical" dinner (which has yet to send me to L&D!). I also enjoyed some herbal raspberry tea.

Today we are going to try fresh pineapple...

Things I like about being pregnant:

*feeling Augustine move inside of me: Especially during this 3rd trimester, when I can literally feel my stomach and locate his feet and bum, I feel like I am just holding him all day and all night long. The first thing I do in the morning is touch him, and the last thing I do at night is touch him. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel him and encourage him to make a little movement. I am so thankful to God everytime he moves.

*sharing special moments of anticipation and joy with Luke: We spend a lot of time dreaming about the future of our little boy. I love living in the present as a couple, yet joyfully anticipating the exciting adventure of parenthood.

Things I don't especially like about being pregnant:

*getting dressed: For the record, I have only purchased one pair of maternity jeans, one pair of maternity dress pants, and a handful of maternity shirts (most of which still look ridiculous on me). So getting dressed has been a bit boring for several months now... I think I need to convince Luke that I can go on a shopping spree after the baby is born because I didn't spend very much money on maternity clothes!

*taking 2-3 iron pills (+ my prenatal vitamin) everyday: Admittedly, a small price to pay for a healthy mom and baby, but they are still not my favorite. I am guessing I will have to contine taking them while I breastfeed, but perhaps at some point I can stop.

*having to think before I put anything in my mouth: No sushi, deli meat, food that has sat out too long, beer, wine, caffeine, and the list goes on...

*peeing in the middle of the night every.single.night: Enough said.

Things I am most excited about once Augustine is born:

*seeing what he looks like!!!: I absolutely cannot wait to see what our Little Man looks like. It seems natural to me that he would look more like Luke since Luke is a boy, but I am sure he will have features from both of us. I am wondering what color his hair will be, how much hair he will have, what color his eyes will be, how tall he will be, etc!

*breastfeeding: Although I know it may be a challenge, I am really looking forward to the bonding of breastfeeding. I am so looking forward to the moment after he is born when I get to hold him skin to skin and breastfeed him for the first time.

*watching Augustine and Luke interact: Seeing Luke hold our baby will probably be one of the best things in the world. Luke is already an amazing Father, and it will be awesome to see that materialize once Augustine is born.

Overall, my pregnancy has been awesome, and I really cannot complain. I have loved the experience, and it has been so much more amazing that I had imagined--growing your child inside of you for nine months is incredible! I am sure nothing can compare to holding Augustine is my arms, but I will definitely miss being pregnant at times...God-willing I will be able to experience it again soon!

Picture of Augustine's nursery!